My Baby – 4 Years On

Dear ‘The Baby.’

Or should I say ‘The Toddler’ or even ‘The Child’ because we left those baby years behind years ago though I’m not ready to let go of them just yet then will I ever be? You were my first baby, and even though you’re no longer the youngest in the house, you’re still the baby. I guess the fact you’ve always been the baby when it comes to this blog stands out to me on a daily basis. I started this right here as an online diary to record your baby days. Now it’s become somewhere I share and highlight your life as well as your brother’s and our family life.

I was sitting on the tube with you this week, stroking your head and looking at you and remembering the first time me and you went on a tube back when you were ten months old. That’s when you were the only baby in my life. It was just you and me every day going on adventures and developing a parent/child relationship. You introduced me to this life and parenting and all the wonderful things that come with it. You taught me there is such a thing as unconditional love, love where you would do anything to keep this new person that you’ve bought into the world safe and sound.

That’s never left, and even now as you become older and learn about the world and even start to face dangers in it, I just want to wrap you in that never-ending roll of cotton wool and protect you from it all. I know this isn’t a possibility and I am learning to not ‘mother’ you as much. That’s the where your father puts it; he knows I hate that way of putting it. Because of course, nothing will ever stop me from mothering you, but I learned to let some breathing holes into that cotton wool I have wrapped around you.

Why have you turned 4 become such a big deal to me? What’s made this stand out to me more than the last couple of birthdays? My thinking is it’s because of this year; you go up to big school. Your first proper school, it’s so very much different to your pre-school, and it’s somewhere you’re now going to spend the next 11 years of our life. Though that could turn out to be longer if they keep you at school until you’re 18. Who knows what the next 11 years will chuck at us.

We’ve come such a long way together over the last few years when I say that you’re the one person who changed my life I do mean that. You’ve bought me a life full of endless possibilities as well as smiles. I can’t wait to see what life brings you as well as us, as you head into this stage of being a child who’s said goodbye to his baby and toddler years.

I’m sat writing this with the most sleepy of eyes but with the most incredible feeling of love and admiration as I’ve just watched you fall straight asleep after our busy day of partying. You asked for a Dinosaur themed party, and that’s exactly what you got. We pulled out the stops to make sure it was the most fantastic party which will leave you smiling until the next one. When you turned around to us and said ‘this is the best party ever’ we knew we had succeeded in that. You do not know how much those words meant to us after spending the last few days neck deep in party preparations.

Those words surprised me, your language has come on leaps and bounds over the last year and especially over the last few weeks. We’ve got a new Speech Therapist now, and she was amazing at your last appointment, she even set me at peace about a few things I was wandering through the latest appointment with the Health Visitor has us asking questions again, she’s referred you to a paediatrician. Nothing to worry about but I’m with what the Speech Therapist said, and I’m pretty sure it’s all speech related. We’ll get their baby boy, we will.

This song was on the radio as I found out I was pregnant with you and was one I listened to many times while pregnant with you. Every time I hear it, I remember those first moments of learning that I was going to become a mother for the first time.


Love Me x