2016 was meant to see me with some major ‘I can deal with whatever may be thrown my way’ attitude. Only that approach never actually saw 2016. Towards the end of 2016, Dylan’s beautiful sleeping was no longer beautiful and instead became a nightmare. Sleep was no longer something he wanted to participate in, and we were now introduced to hours that we occasionally only saw when
rolling in from nightclubs up with newborns.
At first, I thought it was a phrase but a month later and like his eating, it has only got worse instead of better. As I sit and draft this post on my phone, it is 1 am, and Dylan has been awake for the last couple of hours after only falling asleep at 9 pm. Daddy got up to deal with him, and we thought the iPad would give him comfort, Daddy led on the spare mattress on his floor with the hope of Dylan either falling back to sleep or that he would just continue to play his game. I would have done this, but I hadn’t slept yet curse husbands snoring(strike out) there was no sign of him sleeping, and he was brought into our room to see if he would chill in our bed but he was hysterical, and I was worried he would wake his brother and sister up, so I brought him downstairs.
This is where my lack of sleep was a struggle, I had no patience, and was full of resentment towards my child. Soon followed by guilt.
Epic meltdown on no sleep = no patience for it whatsoever making me snap at a child who has no understanding himself what is happening 😢
— Emma Harris (@MeTheManAndKids) January 30, 2016
He had no understanding and as he is non-verbal trying to distinguish what he wants is like trying to do a 10,000 piece jigsaw. Complete meltdown mode was in full gear, and he did not want me to have a blanket over myself, but I was not budging on this one. Sorry, Dylan but this is one comfort I wasn’t willing to give up.
It’s not like I can even take it in turns with the husband as he has worked at 3 am, so his alarm will be going off soon. I’m now full of guilt for him; I should have leapt up straight away to deal with Dylan and trying to keep hubs asleep should have been a top priority. He’s struggling at the moment; Baker hours don’t go with a child that doesn’t sleep. We are counting our blessings that he has the most understanding employers and yesterday he dropped a days work so will be guaranteed three nights of full sleep.. or as much sleep as you can get with Dylan around.
I’m due to go to Cambridge, later on, today to have dinner with some other bloggers, but now I’m fretting that this is another set of plans that may have to be cancelled because I’ve had a night of no sleep. Cancelled plans are becoming more of a regular occurrence lately as we try to deal with our tiredness and ability to function during the day.
2016 has seen us become broken. It wasn’t meant to be like this. Autism was never part of our life plan.