I didn’t get round to write anything for World Breastfeeding Week on the subject of Breastfeeding; there were so many posts I was going to write. The Pregnancy has made everything a blur, and I guess it somehow has something to do with why I think we’re near the end of Breastfeeding. The end hasn’t happened yet, and for all, I know it might not, but now I’m wondering if I’m ready for it to end?
There was a time where I couldn’t ever imagine me wanting to bring it to an end; I was adamant that we would continue feeding right up until the time was right for him to say ‘enough’. Over time as he got older, we had the morning, afternoon and evening feeds. You could also say there was the odd comfort feed, something which was a blessing for us both. Slowly we lost that afternoon and comfort feeds; the odd one would crop up. My first midwife appointment, as we were unsettled in the waiting room and was hungry, we fed.
The pregnancy hasn’t been pleasant, typical of my pregnancies. Despite we’ve managed to try and carry on as normal until it came to one morning where I was in no state to get out of bed. The man took a natural queue and took the baby downstairs and gave him a bottle of milk. It was no biggie, he knew that, and I knew the next morning Dylan would of happily of gone back to the boob. I took him out of his cot, and instead of going back to bed where we enjoy our feed, I bought him downstairs and gave him a bottle of milk. To me this all just felt, saying goodbye to this morning feed. The mornings are difficult, and it’s nice when the man can just take over the whole morning routine and leave me to suffer. I think the final push for me is deciding that was when I was feeding him and a sudden wave hit me, and I had the man grabbing the first thing he could that was hollow so I wouldn’t cover the boy.
That wasn’t Dylan saying no to that feed, that was me deciding that. I did it for me, which I do feel guilty about in a way. But it’s a relief, a welcomed relief. So our feeds now just consist of the evenings, before he goes to bed. We’ll have that quiet time in his room, just him and me. My favourite bit comes after he finished feeding and he’ll look up at me and give me the biggest smile. We’ll have hugs and a moment which I just want to bottle up. Especially now as he lays on my lap and he’ll touch my stomach, right there is his new brother or sister. I dont know if he senses it, but for me to experience my two youngest together in such a way really is magical.