Changing

Changing is seeing yourself morphing into a different person. Becoming someone you never thought you would become, finding yourself judging others when you’ve never done this before. Finding yourself judging other peoples personal opinions and actions out aloud, why am I suddenly doing this? This isn’t me, I’ve always kept my mouth shut – why am I opening it now? I’ve always known everyone is different, especially parents. Don’t people agree that’s life so why do I suddenly want everyone to be on the same path as me? Has my mind suddenly morphed into being God-like overnight? Who has given me the right to judge, I should look at my own life, and it’s flawed before judging other peoples.

Changing is keeping yourself away from that line the one between you and the one called depression. Reminding yourself that you don’t have anything to be depressed about if I was to think about. Those panic attacks are coming out because you’re letting them, I’m making myself stressed and filled my head with so much it fills ready to burst. Making that to do list so long that you end up just thinking about it more than actually doing it. I know my lack of organisation and uselessness is to blame, maybe if I was to go about doing something about this I might succeed at something. Not giving into the panic attacks and the moment I feel that anxiety creeping up on me and the heart suddenly going, going the other way and dealing with it the right way not letting it overpower me.

Changing is taking a break and stepping into the real world. I love blogging, I really do. I love all the things that come along with it. The fantastic friendships I have made, the knowledge I have gained from reading other blogs, the opportunities I have had, the amazing products we get to review and most importantly this diary of my boys first years I now have. Have products such an iPhone and iPad means I do get to use all these social media platforms on the go. But instead on the go should mean, taking the time to blow raspberries at my boys and watching them. Just watching them interact with there toys and how their imaginations are taking them to other worlds. Changing is not saying “in the minute darling” but living for the now. Deleting those apps, shutting the laptop and knowing when to say enough even if it’s just a week is changing.

Changing is remembering that I am me and you are you. I shouldn’t want to be like anyone else; I’m unique. Why should I worry about how I look, what I write and what I do? I’m me, and I shouldn’t go changing for anyone but myself. No one gets to change what I need to change, I need to figure it all out, but I know a good start is to remember who I am.

I’m a mother, a wife but most importantly I’m me.

 

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